my food dilemma.

I love Dr. Pepper. Seriously. It might be hard to tell you in words how excited I get when I pull into a Chick-Fil-A drive-thru and order a large Dr. Pepper with light ice and how delicious that first gulp is. I love Chick-Fil-A Dr. Pepper the most because CFA's styrofoam cups retain the carbonation the best. I love the way it burns and tingles in my mouth and throat as it goes down and the taste is incomparable. I know you may think I am being dramatic, and I may be--just a little. But seriously, I love Dr. Pepper.

I've never been a huge fan of McDonald's or Burger King. The meat, while good, just had too much of a questionable texture and taste. So these two fast-food chains have never been big traps for me. But I love Chick-Fil-A. I worked there for 3 years and ate their food almost every day. It's the best. Its all I can do to say no when its available.

So, now you know my downfalls. When it comes to food and nutrition, I want to be healthy. I like eating healthy food, I like to go to farmers markets and natural/organic restaurants. Its generally not incredibly hard for me to make good eating choices, but these two things are my vices and they ruin almost every attempt I make to be healthy.

I am just going to get over myself and share something with you. When I came to Liberty University over 4 years ago, I weighed about 135 lbs. Now, almost a year after I graduated, I weigh 170 lbs. at 5' 6". That is too much and there is no excuse. Obesity related illnesses are one of the leading causes of death in the U.S. We are the fattest nation in the world. Thankfully, while my metabolism isn't the best, it also isn't the worst, and the number of calories I intake haven't resulted in a massive obesity problem. But that still doesn't mean I'm healthy. And I'm still overweight.

While I have a lot of health-conscious people in my life, and I myself care a good deal about being healthy, I am really starting to gain so much motivation. I have been reading lots of articles and blogs lately about how to achieve my goals, cutting out healthy recipes and exercise tips in magazines and keeping a little "stickie" on my Macbook desktop with important health/nutrition points for me to remember. (For some really great guidance on being healthy, check out a friend of mine's site: www.puregoodness.com). Then, tonight, Luke and I rented Food Inc. and I have just been watching the movie Super Size Me that came out back in 2004. These movies have really heightened my sense of awareness about just how awful so many things that we put into our bodies are.

I think the biggest thing for me to overcome are the positive thoughts and memories that come with so many foods that are so bad for us. I mean, just the other day Luke and I were walking out of Food Lion and there was a display of General Mills cereals by the door, 2/$3. I pointed to the Lucky Charms and said "Oh, I love Lucky Charms! It was always my favorite cereal. Look, its on sale...should I get some?" Thankfully, I opted out. In reality, I don't even really love Lucky Charms. I actually prefer in taste my delicious Cascadian Farms organic Cinnamon Raisin Granola cereal, which is much healthier, but looking at the box of Lucky Charms and the idea of eating it makes me feel like a kid again. The idea of getting to stop at a fast food restaurant is an exciting prospect. Stocking up on all the treats (that my mom rarely bought) in the snack food isle at the grocery store is so much fun. There's something about walking through the grocery store, now as an adult, and putting whatever I want in the cart. I could never do that as a kid. Its like a sense of entitlement and something I don't want to give up. I wish I could put into words all the feelings that all these foods and drinks evoke. The feelings that companies spend all those advertising dollars to achieve. It all worked.

Now, it's my task, to care more about feeling good than having "good feelings". I want to put things in my body that increase energy levels, provide me the proper nutrients and vitamins that I need and don't cause health problems down the road--maybe even sooner than later. I even want to make sure that the things I am buying more than just look healthy (like a tomato in the produce section that may have been shipped while still green from halfway around the world and ripened with chemical gasses) but that they actually are healthy. I want to buy fruits and vegetables that are grown locally without pesticides. I want to purchase free-range chickens and grass-fed beef. I want to support farmers that produce foods in healthy ways. Most importantly, I want to do all this before its too late and I want to create healthy habits that I can pass on to my own kids one day so that they can be healthy too.

Community.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said, "The person who's in love with their vision of community will destroy community. But the person who loves the people around them will create community everywhere they go."

I am blessed to be a part of a great body of believers in the Lynchburg area. We meet downtown in a building on Kemper Street called One Community Center. We sing really moving, meaningful songs led by really talented passionate musicians. We don't have A/C or heat so we get to say we are suffering for Jesus. We have a coffee shop, dance studio and bike/board shop in our building so we are really relevant. We serve coffee and tea on Sunday mornings because its good. We have a wonderful pastor who hears from God and teaches us things that convict our hearts and move us to action. Altogether it's pretty great. The vision of our church, you ask? "Love God, Love People."

I know, I know. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times. It has truly become the mantra of the emerging church. The motto of our generation of Christians. It basically sums up what Jesus said are the two greatest commandments, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and might and love your neighbor as yourself." It sounds great. It is great. But it's becoming one of those phrases grouped together with so many other words and phrases that the modern church is becoming obsessed with and the reality behind them is becoming lost.

Community is becoming a thing that people are talking about and realizing the importance of. If I have to say, I truly believe that next to our relationship with Christ, fostering community is one of, if not the, most important thing we can do. The early Christians in Acts and throughout the New Testament taught us what a beautiful and amazing concept community is. Loving and serving other people. Helping each other survive, both physically and spiritually. We need it. God made us to need it. And for the longest time, the reality of community has been lost in American society.

The idea of success and hard work and climbing the corporate ladder in order to make the most money possible is so engrained into our minds and hearts. Our culture teaches us to look out for ourselves and put our own needs and desires at the forefront of our dreams. And we are taught this is a good thing.

Now, don't get me wrong. I believe if having a good work ethic. I believe that "a workman should be worthy of his pay" as the Scripture teaches. But I don't believe that financial and physical success is why we live life. It isn't the legacy that we should be striving to leave behind. The legacy we should be leaving is one of loving people. Truly loving them with every ounce of our lives. Sacrificing our money and time for others should be a joy rather than a burden that we feel obligated to. Our resources are not our own, but rather they are entrusted to us by God to use in a way that brings glory to him.

So community is important. But as I quoted Bonhoeffer in saying, the idea of community can destroy community. We can't be so caught up in the idea and how its supposed to look or make us feel, but simply we must be intentional about loving people each day, nurturing relationships. We must drive away the cynicism that creeps in telling us that people don't really love us back--that they are going to disappoint us (because they will) because that's not the reason that we do this. We love because it's our highest calling. The greatest ability given to us by God and the strongest force in all the universe.

go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

This past Saturday morning I had the blessing of serving on a judging committee for the "Hero for Life" Scholarship. Four years ago, back in 2006, I was the first recipient of this reward and they had me come back and help judge this year for that reason.

The "Hero for Life" Scholarship is sponsored by Room at the Inn which is a group home in Charlotte that offers support, hope and provision to pregnant women. The scholarship is available to all youth between the ages of 14 and 18 in both North and South Carolina. This year there were 8 entrants, all of which had actively done something for the pro-life cause in order to apply for the $2,000 scholarship. 

Obviously, the award is far more about encouraging young people to be involved in the ongoing crusade for life, but it is always nice to receive a little help when you are facing the monstrosity of college bills as an 18-year-old kid, especially if mommy and daddy aren't paying your way. 

The experience was so meaningful to me because as I read through the applications and saw the passion for life and the love for the innocent that was clearly in the hearts of those young people, I was inspired and reminded of my own passion. 

It's so easy to forget what it feels like to really care about something. Life can continually feed you a stream of monotony so that you forget how amazing it is for your heart to be so moved that you can't help but cry. As I was sitting there in that room, I started to remember my passion. It's not that I had totally forgotten it, it was more just that I forgot what it felt like. I remembered how much I want to help women who are facing unexpected pregnancies and need help--a place to stay, a plan, ... and perhaps most of all, Love. I remembered how much I long to one day hear the words, "This little child is alive because you showed me there was hope." 

One of my favorite quotes was said by Henry David Thoreau. He said, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." It is so important for us not to forget are dreams, for they are our gift from God. They give us purpose and a reason to get out of bed and live life. No dream and no passion is too big, too impossible. Keep striving to achieve the dreams in your heart, because even if you never get there, at least your life will have been full. 

and so begins a new school year--without me.

For the past 17 years of my life, each August has brought with it a new school year, new classes, new friends and new books.

This year, for the first time in my life since I was four years old, I will not be starting a new school year. I didn't have a summer vacation and I am not on campus to complain about all the freshman who don't realize that you should probably look both ways before crossing the road.

I have to say that all this leaves me feeling a bit strange. There is nothing in my life providing me with the structure and purpose that school always had. I am employed, but I work from home on my own schedule, which sounds like it would be nice, and at times it is, but it's also weird. I miss the excitement of meeting new friends. I long for a reason to purchase new pens and folders and organize everything for my classes. I know you have every reason to think I am a total geek right now. And you would be right. And in about 2 months when everyone is taking mid-terms and turning in papers, I might be singing a different tune and more than happy for my education to be reading a novel in a coffee shop rather than researching for my honors thesis.

Right now, though, I just can't stop feeling nostalgic that there is a strong possibility that I will never go to school again.

rain.

It's been raining a lot lately here in the Queen City. I have to say, there are not many things quite as great as southern thunderstorms. I love the way the gray clouds roll in filling the sky, the leaves on the trees turn over so the lighter side is more visible, the air gets this wonderful smell, the breeze picks up and the impending doom of the storm to come can last for hours before the heavens finally break loose with their full fury.

A few days ago, one of these storms had been brewing all morning and afternoon. The sound of thunder was getting louder and more frequent and I could see lightning in the distance. I knew it would not be long before the storm was upon us. I decided to sit on the front porch and wait for it.

As the first drops began to fall with intensity I continued to wait until the deluge came. Sure enough, within minutes, you could barely see all the way up the street for the sheets of water pouring forth from those dark clouds. So then I did exactly what I had been waiting to do and I walked out in the rain. And then I ran through our front yard up to the street, splashed through the water pouring down the gutters and held up my hands toward the sky and just let the rain drench me.

I love the rain. I love being the rain. The way this water just pours out of the sky and washes over me. I feel like it's touching more than my body, but my soul too. I feel like the rain washes things away that are inside of me that no amount of showering could even touch. I feel like the God is in the rain. There are parts of God's creation that just make me feel so close to Him. It's like that with the mountains, and especially the ocean. And the rain.

But the rain and the feelings it stirs in my soul, only make me long to have a time like that with Jesus. Where I can just bask in His presence and have his power and love wash over my soul and make me feel refreshed and clean. Nothing can compare to that. Not even a Carolina thunderstorm.

A Mary in a Martha World

A Mary in a Martha World

Wait…is that the name of a book?

Luke 10:38-42 –

38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." 41 But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

You know how you can read one passage of scripture a thousand times in your life and then still get something new out of it? That’s the amazing thing about God’s word—it doesn’t return void.

To be honest, I often find myself being a Martha. I am running around with a million things to do—none of them bad, necessarily, but it’s all just stuff. But, in my heart, I am a Mary. The only time I am truly happy and content is when I am able to pull away from the distractions that make up our lives and bask in the presence of Jesus.

I think Jesus’ love language is quality time. He makes it so clear how much he wants us to stop and just be with him. That is the reality of what worship is—just spending time with God, loving Him.

At times I feel a bit frustrated with myself because I can’t seem to be satisfied with any job I get—its never fulfilling enough. I brush it off and just say I’m a free spirit and wanderlust and can’t handle the monotony of a traditional job. The reality behind those words is that I want to spend my life like a Mary, at the feet of Jesus, serving Him, loving Him through all I do. There’s a time to be a Martha. There has to be. Things need to get done. But being a Mary is so much more fun.

living life loving others.

I've really been thinking a lot lately about the reality of living for God and others. Thinking about myself and my needs is so natural that I barely realize I am doing it, but I do--most of us do--all the time. We are constantly encouraged to "do what's best for you" and "you have to take care of yourself" and while there is some truth in these statements, it is part of our human nature to do these things and we need to focus on serving and giving and dying to ourselves.

I wrote that on my hand--Die to yourself--this week. I want to make it my goal to consciously make my decisions based on Jesus and his love for people. It's tough. But when you are able to give and serve and love, it is so unbelievably refreshing.

I spent the greater part of last year struggling in my relationship with Jesus and in my life in general. I was down and frustrated with the Lord and myself and had a really difficult time. These feelings caused me to wake up every morning thinking about how I could feel better. I lived each day thinking about what lifted my spirits and made me comfortable. I went from enjoying life, loving it because it's a gift from God and making the most of it, to using it. Basically, I made life a prostitute and sought merely to get out of it whatever I could that would make me feel good without giving anything meaningful in return. Using life in that way made it so much less good on so many levels. Honestly, I really don't fully understand the complexity of why this happened in my heart and mind, but it did. While it wasn't good, I have learned so much from that time about how living life for me just plain sucks.

"And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about."
— Shane Claiborne