living life loving others.

I've really been thinking a lot lately about the reality of living for God and others. Thinking about myself and my needs is so natural that I barely realize I am doing it, but I do--most of us do--all the time. We are constantly encouraged to "do what's best for you" and "you have to take care of yourself" and while there is some truth in these statements, it is part of our human nature to do these things and we need to focus on serving and giving and dying to ourselves.

I wrote that on my hand--Die to yourself--this week. I want to make it my goal to consciously make my decisions based on Jesus and his love for people. It's tough. But when you are able to give and serve and love, it is so unbelievably refreshing.

I spent the greater part of last year struggling in my relationship with Jesus and in my life in general. I was down and frustrated with the Lord and myself and had a really difficult time. These feelings caused me to wake up every morning thinking about how I could feel better. I lived each day thinking about what lifted my spirits and made me comfortable. I went from enjoying life, loving it because it's a gift from God and making the most of it, to using it. Basically, I made life a prostitute and sought merely to get out of it whatever I could that would make me feel good without giving anything meaningful in return. Using life in that way made it so much less good on so many levels. Honestly, I really don't fully understand the complexity of why this happened in my heart and mind, but it did. While it wasn't good, I have learned so much from that time about how living life for me just plain sucks.

"And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about."
— Shane Claiborne