the same old thing.

There is a man who I see every morning while I sit waiting for my bus. At precisely 7:10 AM, he walks by with his two dogs which appear to be a mix between Dalmatians and Daschunds. He wears a grey sweatsuit and recently started adding a coat as the weather has gotten colder. Every morning I see him and it always makes me think about his life and what it must be like. He seems a creature of habit and I imagine him waking up early, having his morning coffee and reading his paper, changing clothes to be appropriate for different parts of his day--maybe a little reminiscent of Mr. Rogers. And then I start thinking about how my life isn't like that at all. Outside of going to work, there are very few things I do the same every day.

I have always been averse to consistency in my schedule as I almost feel like routine and structure create walls forming a prison of my life. (Extreme, I know, but true to how I feel). But I have started to wonder--is there something to having a routine that creates fulfillment in our lives. It gives us the ability to make sure we make room for all the things that are important to us.

I have always felt as though I lack a certain amount of self-discipline, but maybe what I have really lacked is the desire to schedule my time--including all those"non-required" things that actually do matter and often go by the wayside when time isn't allotted for them--prayer and exercise being two primary examples.

I still fear the inflexibility that routine suggests, and I am nowhere near becoming the next Mr. Rogers, but I am realizing that without this structure, the things that are important to me may never become a consistent part of my life. Maybe its time to start making some little routines (with the disclaimer that they are always adjustable, of course).

unaware of the world around

They were kissing with the intensity of those who belong to each other, unaware of the world around them.

Every once in awhile, when I am reading a book, a sentence or phrase will strike me and I will find myself thinking about it for days afterwards. Such was the case with this quote from The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón.

The book is a great one, but it is far from a romantic novel, so perhaps that is why this sentence stood out to me even more. I would fill you in on the context of this sentence, but truly it isn’t important for the sake of this post. If you want to know the story, read the book. You’ll be glad you did.

I haven’t been able to get this sentence out of my mind, so I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means. To me, there is so much depth in those words. In the book, they were the only words used to describe the scene that was taking place, and they were the only words that were needed, because you know, with those words, everything that you need to know—that the two people were deeply in love, but not only that. In addition to being in love, they weren’t distracted from their love. They were focused on it. That is what captured me.

I’ve realized in my life that I’m often distracted from love. In my heart, I am a romantic. I love romance. But in my life, I often find that I don’t live out the romance that is in my heart because I am distracted by practicality. Romance and love are a concept of our souls and regardless of our relationship status, they are vital to each one of us. They are the freedom that we have to live life with passion and adventure, letting the joy of life and the relationships that we have fill us to overwhelming. 

But then why am I so distracted by what needs to be done that I so often fail to “kiss with the intensity of those who belong to each other, unaware of the world around them.” --Or to do anything with abandon, for that matter. 

I didn’t used to be this way. But the responsibilities of life have seemed to overtake the place of love and romance in my life. 

It's funny how something so small reminded me of who I want to be and how I want to live. 

The I'm, but generation.

Today I was reading a post on Relevant Magazine's website. In it, author Jon Acuff is quoted as writing "We've become the 'I'm, but' generation... We inevitably say, 'I'm a _____, but I want to be a _____.

This struck a cord with me, as I sit a desk working (sometimes) on menial projects that don't mean anything to me. "I'm an administrative assistant, but I want to be a missionary/humanitarian worker, writer, doula and artist."

Why do we so often end up doing what we do when we want to be doing something different? There are many reasons--and some of them are valid--but so often it's fear. Being afraid to step out in faith. Fear of failure. Fear of financial difficulties. Sometimes, though, we have things like student loans to pay back and we feel the necessity to enter our fields of passion debt-free.

Lately, Luke and I have been talking a lot about doing the things that we love, in spite of the fact that we aren't able to jump on a plane to South Africa in the next few months. We've realized that pursuing our passions is not just a good idea, it's pretty much a necessity to our happiness and contentment in our current phase of life. So instead of just coming home at the end of the day with stories from our boring jobs, we decided to start working toward the things that our hearts yearn for.

Luke loves to fly, but he hasn't been able to afford to sit in a cockpit since April. I have a passion for the babies and women . When we go to Africa, Luke and I both want to utilize these two passions, among others. So at the beginning of the month, Luke ordered a book to study to begin his training to be a flight instructor and I ordered Misconceptions, the first book required for my training to receive my postpartum doula certificate.

I can't tell you how these decisions have changed what our lives are like. Instead of sitting on the couch telling Luke about entering data a surprisingly fast rate, I tell him excitedly how I learned that prenatal amnio tests are dangerous because they often result in the leaking of amniotic fluid and potentially even miscarriages (not to mention they are often wrong, leading parents to think their child has Downs or some other birth defect unnecessarily). See? I love it. And pretty soon, Luke will get to start his training at the airport and get to fly again and it's going to change him, because he loves it.

So, I guess I am writing to encourage everyone that even if you can't go for your "but I want to be a _____" for good reasons right now, still pursue those things your heart loves. It will make you happier and as a result, a better person.