faith anyway.

I can't stop reading Paul's letters. I know all Scripture is important, but to me, I just feel like I learn so much from Paul.

2 Corinthians 4:8--We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair.


2 Corinthians 5:7--For we walk by faith, not by sight.

In the past, these verses have never held the same depth of meaning to me that they now do. I have been experiencing an intense spiritual dry spell for nearly a year now and for quite some time was angry at God that he would do this to me. Why ever would he "ignore" my cries? Why would he not want to show me his will or draw close to me? I simply did not understand why the Lord would seemingly turn away from me. But I am beginning to understand.

It is through these things that the Lord teaches us. In order to be refined, we must experience that furnace. Many times, that furnace is a season of brokenness and loneliness. A loneliness that comes from a distance from God. And through that, we must learn to have faith anyway.

It seems like a foreign concept--that God would teach us to trust him by making us sense his distance, because it is so much harder to trust him then. But then, that's just it, isn't it. We have to learn to trust him even when it seems impossible. Even when we don't know what step to take next, we rest in faith.

Elisabeth Elliot wrote an amazing book about her waiting and confusion period before she married Jim Elliot. She did not know what to do or where to go and God was not showing her.

I want to share a few quotes from this book, Passion and Purity:

I found in my Greek New Testament that 1 Peter 5:10 could be translated, "After you have suffered for a while, he himself will mend that which was broken." If all struggles and sufferings were eliminated, the spirit would no more reach maturity than would the child. The Heavenly Father wants to see us grow up.

I began to learn to wait. Patient waiting does not come naturally to most of us, but a great deal is said about it in the Bible. It is an important discipline for anyone who wants to learn to trust.

How long, Lord, must I wait? Never mind, child. Trust Me. 

Wouldn't a mere simple request from God to trust Him be sufficient? Is it absolutely necessary for Him to yank out of sight whatever we most prize, to drag us into spiritual traumas of the severest sort, to strip us naked in the winds of His purifying Spirit in order that we should learn to trust?

I think the most important thing I am learning is that God does not always give us answers. Sometimes he leaves us in absolute uncertainty. That doesn't mean he doesn't have an answer or a will. His agenda is different than ours though and no matter how earnest our hearts and how desirous we are of knowing His will, it is possible that He may choose to make us wait a good long while before He shows us. But in spite of that, as 2 Cor. 4:8 says, be should not be driven to despair.

It would seem like we should never doubt God's love or care for us. After all, he gave his Son to die so that we can live. But, human we are and doubt we do. Especially after you feel like He has been ignoring you for a long period of time. And God knows how much we can bear. The other day, I was so sad about his distance and I was crying in my car asking God didn't he care and didn't he love me. All of the sudden, a rainbow appeared over the road and I knew in my heart it was a sign of God's promise, not just to all creation, but to me personally, that he loved me and had not forgotten about me. As I cried in response asking God, "Really, is that really from you? Do you really still love me?" Another rainbow appeared beside the first. And I know, deep in my heart, that God does indeed love me.